The Transition

‘The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind’

- Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

It’s been 6 months. 6 months since I left IIM K. 6 months since the day reality struck that life still continues to be race- a race much tougher, much uglier than all races that I have been a part of till date. 6 months since I started my 1^st job. 6 months since my last post. 6 long, tiring, working months! And probably, 6 months since I left my childhood behind. 6 months since we all left our childhood behind.

These same 6 months, a year ago! When we thought that the only hurdles ahead of us were grades, B-school competitions and placements. When losing a competition was a failure that left us pondering for days. When we ran to a 9:15 class; often half asleep, more often without a bath and always with a cup of coffee. When nobody cared to find out how much we were being paid when we bagged a job offer. When we were never scoffed at for being from premier B-schools. When we never imagined spending an entire day all alone, with the phone and laptop being our only company. How we have grown!    

From Companionship to Solitude:

As I entered Kozhikode airport each time we had a term break, all I could see was a sea of IIM K sweatshirts, IIM K t-shirts and even more familiar faces as we moved towards the security check. As I ponder now, it no less resembled a bus-stand, with students queuing up, ensuring that friends got seats next to each other in the aircraft, whiling away time eating at the airport, and finally running around when the boarding was announced.  

When I travel today, or rather when we have our ‘business trips’, there are no companions, the seat adjacent remains empty or there is just another business traveller, there is no hustle and bustle to ensure that the luggage has not exceeded the specified limit because we do not have a bag full of snacks and ‘ghar ka khana’, for our friends and nobody takes turns to ensure that the auto has arrived, because a taxi awaits us outside.

From students to employees, from weekend trips to business trips, how we have grown!

From Celebrations to Formal wishes:

At the stroke of midnight hour, when it is your birthday, you are drenched with filthy water, beaten up, and covered with cake, toothpaste, conditioner and every other thing that your friends could get a hand at. And it’s not just you, even your best friends are not left out; because after all, best friends eat together, stay together and celebrate together.

A group of new people who always wonder why you studied as much, in a new location where you have nobody else for company, you spend your birthday working; with a few formal wishes, a formal ‘Happy Birthday’ email and a formal celebration with your colleagues.

From friends to colleagues, from late night treats to phone call wishes, how we have grown!

From Campus to Corporate:

The month of June meant the arrival of a new batch, those ‘interactions’, welcoming juniors and having the pride of being a senior!

When you 1^st enter the office, you are left all alone, the remaining employees wondering who you are, frequent glances from people around, occasional discussions about how much you are being paid and even more observations about your behavior- you are being judged at for what you speak, how you speak and whom you speak to.

From being carefree to conscious, from preparing our CVs the night before the deadline to regularly checking and updating our profiles on LinkedIn, how we have grown!

It seems just yesterday when we were still kids; when we sat there, at Arjuna Path looking at the stars till we nearly dozed off, when we needed no permission to barge into our neighbour’s room at any time, when we could laugh and play till dawn, when CCD had no reference to any tax saving plan, when comparisons were made not of the CTC but of the mess refund (followed by the usual, ‘How come your refund is more than mine?’), when case studies, competitions, and night-outs kept us awake till a time when we now are forced to wake up, when we divided 10 slides of a ppt among 4 members, when we listened to songs, cracked jokes and did everything else other than working on the ppt, when we could meet each other every day and not spend months only hearing their voices on the phone.   

As I write these lines, I wonder, ‘When did I grow up?’ Was it since I started to keep a constant track of time because a meeting was scheduled? Was it when I started thinking how to be crisp, polite, yet firm when I wanted to get things done? Was it when the content of the emails changed from: ‘PFA slide 1-4’ to ‘PFA last week’s target Vs achievement’? Was it since those days when I kept no track of the amount we owed each other to those when I understood that FM taught back in term 2 inherently meant managing your salary? Was it when I started paying my own utility bills? Was it when I grew up from being excited on receiving a mess refund to simply glancing at the salary message and continuing with my work? Was it when I preferred eating at home rather than eating alone in a hotel? Was it when I started understanding the power of hierarchy in an organization to simply ignoring it while studying OB?

When did I grow up? When did we grow up? When did our discussions change from laughter and jokes to mature discussions on our jobs and career prospects? When did we start fretting about our future? Oh, when did we leave our childhood behind!

4^th April, 2015: The day we bowed down on the stage to the Director as we accepted our degree, the day the curtains fell with a thunderous applause from our parents, professors and friends, the day we bid farewell; sad, excited, a bit scared, anxious and confident of what lies ahead of us!

This was the day, the day when we left campus, the day when we left our childhood behind!

The Bliss of Solitude

 “It is always the same with mountains. Once you have lived with them for any length of time, you belong to them.”

And no sooner had I read this quote by Ruskin Bond, I went into a nostalgic reverie. The scenic beauty of IIM K came like a flash before my eyes and I would reiterate Ruskin Bond, nevertheless with a tinge of difference: Once you have lived at IIM K, you belong there.

6^th April, 2015: 2 days after the convocation and the campus seemed deserted. Farewells are never easy and more so from that place which had been your home for the past 2 years, where you have seen your best and worst times, where you have made new friends and didn't realize when they became family.

As I bid adieu to the last few friends remaining on campus, I was left speechless. As the auto-rickshaw accelerated, I once again witnessed the zephyr, the misty mountains, the first rays of the sun that touched the Kampus-which I had taken for granted all along. And the same zephyr brought with it a lot of memories-of those rainy days when we just ‘gazed and gazed but little thought, what wealth the show to us had brought’, of those long, refreshing walks, or those little strolls, of the anxious days when we did not know what lay ahead of us and those relaxed times when we knew where we would be a month from now. Those words of wisdom of Socrates, Tagore and Swami Vivekananda gushed past me. All my favourite locations en route downhill went past me with a blink of the eye. With a lump in my throat and glistening eyes, I caught a last glimpse of them.

I was enthralled by the beauty of IIM K 2 years ago when I 1^st came here.  And now, as I left, I was jolted by reality- this was perhaps the last time that I go downhill towards the same gate that I could not take my eyes off when I 1^st entered.  It was a sense of déjà- vu. I could not take my eyes off the gate now either. And then as I left the gates of that sprawling campus, I turned. I turned back one last time to see those white words on the blue board, ‘Indian Institute of Management Kozhikode’. I could not withhold my tears any longer. They gave way. Yes. I cried. All of us cried. No matter how hard we would have tried to withhold our tears, no matter how strong we would have been in all those difficult times here, no matter how much we had promised ourselves that we would leave with a smile on our face; this moment was just meant to break down.     

It has been nearly 2 months since then. Some of us have entered the busy corporate life. Some others are on the brink of entering it. But even today, the people that we talk to almost every day are the ones from IIM K. If a phone call goes on for more than 1hr, it is bound to be with your friend from K. All those names, all those stories that our parents and friends back home hear from us are those about K. Even today, the rains remind you of the campus; the lush greenery, the distant hills, the misty walk-ways and of course, the Arjuna Path-where we found serenity and solace even amidst the mad rush and competitive pressure.

As I look out of my balcony today, I see nothing but a spread of concrete jungles. As I walk on the roads, I see nothing but a mad rush of people running for work. As I read a book to keep myself occupied, I hear nothing but screeching men and women, street fights and loud honking horns. All I can think of is, Oh those days of solace, where did thou go! Those days when we used to have a sip of coffee in the academic block looking over the breathtaking view of the valley, those days when we used to have a quick cup of noodles laughing over a CP done by a friend in the last lecture, those days when class breaks were spent discussing dinner plans, those days when happiness meant a pizza discount at Domino’s, those days when 5min was all we required to plan a movie outing- Oh those days of solace, where did thou go!  

Somewhere down the line, in these 2 years, we stopped fretting about placements, we sailed through sacrosanct deadlines, we aced the most difficult exams and we made the best of memories. Like those when it was a daily routine to stay up till 6 a.m. working on a case study competition, when late night case discussions witnessed every other discussion except that of the case, when the entire college would turn up for a batch-meet or a theatre performance or any other event albeit it being post midnight.

2 years just flew by, like a gush of fresh air. Looking back, it seems that these years were a transit from the care-free student life to the responsibilities of the corporate world. When we entered those gates, we were unaware of what we want to accomplish 2 years hence. While Term 1 was about rigorous academics, getting to know people through section-wars, committee tasks and group activities, it introduced us to a gamut of possibilities that lie ahead. Although we were still unsure of which specialization we would opt for, the summer placements made this a tad easier. It was the summer placements that brought out the best and the worst in us. It was at this time when we found our true friends and realized what seniors are meant for-to instill confidence in us, to guide us through. Academics did not seem that rigorous any more and Terms 2 and 3 were all about long night walks, night canteen, Milma and understanding how wonderful the next few months here are going to be. At the same time those dreaded Finance subjects made some of us realize why we were meant for Marketing and others that they did not have choice now that they have bagged a Fin internship. While the 2 months internship made us realize how much we miss being at K, the next 2 terms were about being the same for the juniors what our seniors were for us, about B-school competitions, and seeing success and failure together. The last term saw various facets of our personality. Learning through cinema and questioning every fact that was thrown at us, the anxiety and fear of Final Placements and the relief thereafter. But it was much easier this time with your friends to guide you at every step. And once it was all over there was rejoice, outings, long walks and even longer talks.

But in the middle of all this hustle-bustle, we participated in various activities, organized several others and started the countdown to the end of our journey at K. But it was only during the final good-bye, when we held back our tears did we realize how much we care for each other. How we miss those days when going to CCD at 2 a.m. in a t-shirt and shorts was no big deal, when walking around in business formals was a daily affair, when dessert meant water melon, when breakfast meant the ever-smiling chechi serving you hot dosas, when you could go anywhere without carrying a wallet because you had a mess account, when you could authoritatively ask a loan from your friend and not settle the account for days together, when you could eat a sumptuous dinner on your friend’s mess account and allow several others to drink coffee from your coffee card. How we wish we could go back!

And these few lines of Wordsworth sum up my stay at K

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

Almost 10 years since I recited this poem do I understand that it was meant for occasions as these-where daffodils are simply a metaphor for the wonderful 2 years at IIM K.

Those times to Ponder

Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

I remember reading this quote of Robert Frost back in school. I remember promising myself that I would do the same. But somewhere down the line, you tend to forget the promises that you have made to yourself. You tend to leave your dreams behind and start running the rat race. More than that, you start running with just 1 intention-to win.

It is that time of the year again. That time when you suddenly start wondering: Why MBA? That time of the year when, after 18 months of fun and frolic, you are jolted back to reality. That time when you once again start reflecting on all that you’ve accomplished (or failed to do so) till date. Sometimes I wish I could answer these questions as I shall describe below. But alas! There’s a race to run again.

Why MBA?

It may seem a bit strange. For many, IIM K was a compromise. They longed for greener pastures. But for me, the answer to ‘Why MBA?’ was, is and probably will remain quite juvenile.

1^st April, 2012: IIM K PI: I wish to pursue an MBA so that I can study at IIM K. Coming from a school famous in my suburb to graduating from a college popular in my city; I wish to study in an institute of national importance. Not for the salaries that I would earn after my post graduation, but simply for the brand name.

11^th December, 2014: G-20, IIM K: Perhaps, I have more IIM K branded merchandise than most of my batchmates. I wonder if my reason to do an MBA has changed over the past few months. But, my answer still remains unchanged.   

4^th April, 2015: 17^th Annual Convocation, IIM K: Maybe after getting a job, my reason for doing an MBA would differ. I might want to do an MBA for the better career prospects, for a higher salary. However, the degree certificate with the IIM K brand would shed all these whims.

What I answered in that interview 2 years ago was quite different. It wasn’t what I have written. What I answered in several other interviews in these 2 years again wasn’t what I have written. The answer was quite different, quite mechanical; what they expect us to answer. Yes. The same old clichéd answer where you talk about your achievements, what makes you suitable for the organization and what makes the organization suitable for you. I wish I had been truthful all those times. I wish I had poured my heart out and said what I have just written. But, I didn’t say it then; neither would I say it now nor in any other interview in future for the fear of losing the race.

What has been your biggest achievement?

My biggest achievement thus far has been securing an admission into one of the top most B-schools in the country. I have worked with diligence all through my engineering to secure a good rank in engineering and simultaneously bell the CAT. After coming to IIM K, I have been privileged to meet new people, travel new places, study under the best of teachers and make friends for a lifetime. This, I believe is and will probably remain the most significant achievement of my life.

“What are you saying?”, they yelled at me. “There are more than 300 students who have made it here. How does this achievement make you different from them? What are you points of differentiation? If you say this, there is no way you’ll clear the interview. They are not waiting for you. They have 100 other options.”

“But THIS IS the achievement that I am truly proud of. Why can’t I be truthful? Why can’t I say this?”

And yet again, what I said in all those interviews was very different from what I felt. With a smile on my face, I said everything that I was instructed to say. I said everything in exactly the same tone, the same pitch that they wanted to hear. Yes. I secured an admission. Yes. I got a job. Yes. The interviewers were delighted with my answer. But I wish I could have been myself. The same, juvenile self that I truly missed being.

What has been your biggest failure?

This is the toughest part. You don’t know where you have faltered. You think you have been perfect. But still, an answer for this, you must have. “It shouldn’t project you as a weak person”, they said. “It shouldn’t be clichéd. If you don’t have such ‘kinds’ of failures, invent them. How does it matter? Your goal is to clear the interview, isn’t it?”

In economics, lies a concept, ‘The Impossible Trinity’ which states that it is impossible for an economy to have all the 3 policy decisions implemented simultaneously. My biggest failure was that it took me 2 years to understand this simple concept and its practical applications. This is what it actually looks like:

At any point, there will be only a select few who can have all the 3 simultaneously. And these ‘chosen ones’ as everybody feels so are indeed the lucky ones. But they are after all, outliers. For all others, this is the 1^st compromise, the 1^st decision and probably a tough one too- to select any 1 side of the triangle; to select only 2 out of these 3 options available. But rest assured this is not the last Impossible Trinity that you would come across. As you move up the ladder, there would be many more such trinities which if you fail to understand when the time comes; you will fail to live a happy life.

What are your short term and long term goals?

Children stories may seem a thing of the past. But they indeed teach us a lot. It is surprising how almost 20 years later, I understood the true meaning of these lines:

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where.

The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere.

The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

I do not know where I will end up after IIM K. I only know that the brand name would suffice to land me somewhere and that hard work would take me ahead. So why worry about the future? It is bound to be bright. There are less than 3 months left back here. As they say,

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called ‘the Present’.